Owning it – an update

First – I can’t believe it’s June and this is my first post of 2018! It has been a full year so far!

Back in January over on Facebook, I posted some intentions for the year along with a phrase/word for the year. My word was “ownership”. Here’s what I said in January:   I want to “own” my life instead of letting things happen by default, or sliding into commitments. I’m taking back the reins!

So how’s it going? Well, I do feel that I’ve been stepping with intention through some open doors and intentionally closing some others that don’t seem right for this season. But one of the things I’m noticing as I’ve decided to live more intentionally this year is that some of the pieces of my life are more separated and compartmentalized than I think is good. So a new component of my ownership journey is going to be trying to bring more of my whole self everywhere I go.

I think some of the separation is pretty normal and is just a part of life. My circles of influence don’t always intersect so it doesn’t always feel natural to talk about school stuff with work people or church stuff with the softball team (or for that matter to bring up my high schooler’s schedule with the preschool moms – that’s one way to bring a conversation to a stunned silence). We all live full lives and it’s not always obvious what everyone does when they’re not with you in that one particular sphere. It is one of the reasons I love social media. It gives us windows into the spaces in our friends and acquaintances’ lives that we otherwise wouldn’t see. Now, obviously those windows are carefully curated and don’t offer a full picture, and it can sometimes be disorienting. I can remember lots of times when I posted something on Facebook on Instagram and then someone in real life talks to me about it and I’m surprised that they know I did XYZ because that activity rarely comes up in our normal interactions.

But outside of these natural separations, I often feel a sense of being vulnerable when I let them overlap some. It feels easy to talk about owning my own business and talk to people about the services I offer when I’m in a networking meeting or surrounded by other entrepreneurs. And it feels natural to be singing and playing my guitar at church as the Worship Leader.  But if one of those clients or potential clients walked in the door of my church while I’m on the platform? Or if someone at church asks me the “what do you do?’ question?  I feel suddenly out of place, nervous, out of place, and unsure.

I’m noticing these uncomfortable places and trying to work out how to own my whole self through the discomfort. Owning and bringing all these parts of my life into alignment feels like a worthwhile project. I hope to share more about it here on the blog.