I posted a couple weeks ago about saying yes to bringing two foster kids in to our home. They’ve now been with us for almost a month and things are kind of settling in to a routine. There are still plenty of moments though that just leave me shaking my head at just what we’ve dived in to.
When people find out what we’re doing, they’ve said things like, “you’re a saint,” or “you’re so noble/good/brave to be doing this.” One friend said what she was actually thinking and said – “You’re CRAZY!” 🙂 Basically, I tend to agree with her!
There was one week in particular when I felt neither good, nor noble, nor brave, but utterly and completely stupid. What was I thinking to say yes to a toddler and a baby? Why did I think this was the good time to do this? Did I hear God correctly? Am I doing what He called me to do? Is it supposed to be THIS hard? I’m so so tired and at the end of my patience with everyone in my family; this doesn’t feel like faith, it feels like stupidity.
In Bible study though, we were studying the love of God. It struck me how utterly insane His plan to rescue us really is/was. His love for us is an irrational, over the top kind of love. He came for us when we didn’t know we needed Him and when we were actively working against Him.
We discussed how it seems easy sometimes to say you love God, but much harder to follow the commands to love one another. We wondered why that is and how the two are connected. Through this crazy, stupid faith journey that I’m on, I see exactly how they’re related. We are pouring our love into these children’s lives with basically no expectation of it ever being returned or of their birth family ever showing appreciation or even the hope that they will remain in our family for a long time. My husband, my daughters, and I are being asked to love unconditionally in a way that I’ve never experienced before. And when I witness one of my daughters or my husband manifesting real love towards this difficult two-year-old, it is truly like I’m seeing the love of God in the flesh.
So, yes, it still feels foolish and ridiculous this life we’re living right now. But I also stand amazed by the now daily glimpses I get of God’s lavish love and grace.